Midgar High School

You worry me, milady.

You are not a damsel, not an abuser, not some replacement in my messed up mind for a mother... not anything I can put into neat little packages. You are not a sonnet, not a collection of false flatteries... not poisoned words. I think you are good. I know you are good.

So why do you worry me?

If it were simple, I might just tell you. And would laugh that little laugh of yours and tell me that I was silly. I would like that, too. I like being told when I take things far too seriously, when I am being overly dramatic... when I need to act real.

Maybe it is because I cannot protect you. Maybe it is because you can protect me. Yes, it is a blow to my male sensibilities. But even more so, seeing what you did... I suppose I should have been far more angry with you. It is not your fault, though. It is mine.

I wonder if you heard me, in that half dead state. I hoped you did. Oh, you worried me then. Far more worry than I have ever experienced before. I hope never to repeat that. I want to hide you away from all this... but I cannot. You have decided to attach yourself to me. I have complications, I am sorry.

You worry me, for your innocence.

It is cheesy, I know. But you have killed now. I do not remember if I have killed... I might have. She would certainly have liked that. But you... you have not the same taste for it. I cannot help but like that side of you too... you are destructive under it all. I think maybe you were a Valkyrie once, but this lifetime buried you in your shy attitude.

You worry me also, because I know you are not shy.

Be patient with me. Fear and obsession draw very fine lines with me. Maybe all this teenage angst and demonology has been a bit of a hamper on my development. Maybe I am just a hungry beast inside this barely calm body. Even as you were poisoned and convulsing in my arms, I guiltily reveled in the contact. I am a glutton, you see.

I worry, milady... but please worry not for me.

---

Shit, you worry the hell out of me.

Yes, BOTH of you. Shera, you’re one lucky little superchild. You know that? So many people care so DAMN much about you. And Mr. Tough Guy Zack? Don’t think that act is fooling me for a second. I wrote the book on bravado. I own it.

Gods, I have no idea how you two lasted this long. So... unworldly. You both are so smart about certain things... but so DUMB sometimes. Good thing I’m full of all sorts of nonuseful knowledge... or you guys would be sunk, huh?

Sometimes... I wish I could stick all your good parts into one person. You do realize that together you’re the perfect person, right? Shera, you’re so smart and pretty and female... Zack, you’re so steadfast and brave and comforting... the perfect person. Sure, it’s twice the baggage, but we’re at that “age” as my mom says.

Oh gods... I still have to tell her. Maybe some other time. I love you guys, so that’s all that matters. Even if I’ve lost more sleep in the last three weeks than... well, ever. And don’t you even think about luring me to sleeping with my angry girl music... it just pumps me up. And I’ll rage on you.

Don’t think I won’t.

Did I ever tell you that you both have the same eyes? Blue. I was supposed to have blue eyes... my brothers all have blue eyes. Not as pretty as yours. I got dad’s eyes. Brown and dull. You really don’t get how lucky I feel with you two. Really.

And brunettes too. You’d think I was Re, for what I ended up with. Though, I don’t really think I had a preference. Hell, I thought Cloud was cute, didn’t I? And so did you, Shera. Zack? Well, you’re a straight man. That much is clear. Though, it is cute that you two have the same hair.

I hope that your body never fully turns on you Shera. Or that creeping bitterness to you, Zack. I’ll fend it off as best I can. I have to. I’m not good for anything else, yanno.

Maybe... I worry because someday... someday you’ll figure out who you are. And who I am. And it won’t fit so well.

You worry me, lovelies, because that’s all I can do.

---

I am wracked with worry.

Sure, we got caught up in the project, and I can admit now that I was far more into it than our marriage... but you just HAD to toy with them like that. You just HAD to replace me, didn’t you? Did you see me gallivanting off with female subjects? I heard of what you did, gods, I found you one time. But I never said anything because... you were brilliant. You were always brilliant, Lu.

And now? I can’t find you. Anywhere.

The heart’s filthy lesson... is that I have one. Always have, and always will, Lu. Why I wasted it on you? I’ll never know. You always knew how damn pretty you were, didn’t you? Were? No, why am I talking like this. You’re not gone. You’re hiding. Are you hiding with HIM? He’s a boy, Lu!

We are defined by our jealousy... my darling. You were always jealous of my god, and I, I was jealous of your goddess. What a pretty pair we made. Maybe Gast was right. We needed counseling.

We need counseling. I refuse to believe that you are gone. You are not gone.

You’re just so stubborn. You know that? You are a thing of beauty, yet you waste your time with monstrosities, while I have grown far less polished than I was in my youth... and strive for perfection. We did well, together; working on Strife was almost like the old days... the nostalgic times.

Don’t worry, me, pretty. I’ll destroy everything to get to you. Do you know that? I’d even give up my God for you. Silly meddling children... I hope to see them all soon. First the wastlings, then the failures, and yes darling, even our son. I’ll destroy HIM too, so you had better not hide him from me. It’s his fault you aren’t with me now. I see that now.

It’ll all... burn... and we can be free, can’t we? You and me, and the Gasts too... all those sniveling children. That puppet leader of yours. All our mistakes washed away.

You worry me, darling... but it’ll all be over soon.