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October 07, 2005
Off Kilter Good and Evil
I'm… I'm off kilter. I'm evil, right? Or am I not? God my head hurts and it isn't because of a lack of sanity. I'm just …
I'm the leader, but I'm not anymore. I'm the bad guy but I'm not anymore, I'm the one that's wrong.
Gods. I had no right to touch him! Why didn't I just go along with them? Why did I fight it? Isn't it easier to just go along, I'd be free.
I like fighting, gods, with Jenova I felt alive. Blood, fire it all assaulted me and I felt alive. My pulse raced and I understood that. I knew I was powerful, I had my place I knew it I know ME. I was Sephiroth I was ALIVE.
Not as alive as I feel with him. Gods damnit, there I go again. I have no right to feel that way. Why does he make me feel good, how can he make me like myself when I'm not supposed to?
Loz asked me once, what it was like to think all the time in your head. He seems to need to project his thoughts. I wish I could do that like he does. He speaks and no one questions because he cannot lie. They all assume I cannot tell the truth. Even when I shout it no one thinks I mean it. Everyone treats me like I'm this evil pet Reno managed to tame.
They've messed with the system, they've made it better. I don't think I'm supposed to be a leader, even though that's how I think of myself. I feel lost now, without that stigma, without that title. They don't want me and I have no where else to go.
They all watch me, the way I clench my fist or jaw, the way that I watch a match burn… why should I still go out of my way when they don't TRUST me?
Reno trusts me.
Is that why I'm good? Because I like the way he makes me feel about everything? Is that… god's he'd be fine if I wouldn't have fucking butted into his life! What did I DO that to him for?
Everyone mistrusts me and all I have is him. Is that wrong of me? God damnit Strife, why didn't you just finish it? I only had one place in life and you moved into it. It's better that you're there, but WHY am I still here?
I don't know what I am anymore; I just know that Reno makes me feel good.
I should know more than this by now. I shouldn't… I shouldn't be so dependant on someone I broke.
Posted by drakonlily at October 7, 2005 06:24 PM
Comments
;_; Draaakon! Yay, now I know how Sephiroth was feeling in return. So now they really are a OTP, because they'd be so so sad without each other.
And yes, Sephiroth needs his leadership thing. That poor boy got kicked out of the top spot...;_;
*is awed cause he always sounds like teenage!Seph*
-Vester
Posted by: Vestergaard at October 7, 2005 08:54 PM
Awwww.
So confused.
~Cendri
Posted by: Cendrillo at October 7, 2005 11:00 PM
ZOMG, DRAKON.
YOU ARE LOVE. LIKE SERIOUSLY.
*is awed*
~Miri
Posted by: Miri at October 8, 2005 12:48 PM
Poor, poor Seph ... we've taken him on such a ride on this thing. Eventually, I think, people will come to trust him... but what else can you do? He should only have to prove himself so many times, you'd think ...
YOU RULE.
Posted by: seventhe at October 9, 2005 08:34 PM