Midgar High School

Reno sat awake for a long time, on the last night that he would be himself.

Or, perhaps that night had already come and gone without ceremony, the night before Lucrecia had torn open his untainted brain and inundated it with her own blackened perversion.

Itch, itch; the crème had worn off, leaving that spot with the black thread itching and so slimy. He tried not to touch it.

Sephiroth was asleep beside him. He always slept on his side, half-fetal, with both hands cupped near his face as if he were hiding. As if those hands were a wall against the world, against the insanity that was his birthright, against inevitability. The face they half-hid was calm.

That calm, perfect face...he wanted to...

Emotion. But blacker than he had known before. His new brain, twisting the thoughts around. His eyes wouldn't rest. Would they ever stop? Were they going to be dancing around this room for the rest of time?

Rest on Sephiroth's face. Quit the dance. Maybe he should pull those hands away from that face, bite him until he woke, make him promise again, make him listen.

What a mess, came the thought. Elena...Elena was right. Damn her.

You knew it, though. You can't say you weren't listening. You can't say that some part of you knew this thing of yours with Sephiroth was unnatural. You can't say that it was a good idea. You can't say anything in your own defense. You did this to yourself. If you cry now, it would be hypocritical.

Just like your system of morals. Just like the way you treat people.

Just like Sephiroth.

Now you are just like him in another way. ANOTHER. Back then, when you took him home with you, if you could have seen into the future, if you knew how inextricably intertwined you would become, would you have left him stricken next to that car, to save yourself from this?

No.

No? Really? Why not?

No. I just...wouldn’t. Stop it.

So, maybe there is something there, which might last in the space between his face and the wall of his hands.

Reno’s eyes were flickering between, searching Sephiroth out. His hand stretched forward, hovering over his half-covered face.

Maybe.

Tell me. Do you...love him, then?

The hand trembled, an inch away. He swallowed.

Do I...have a choice?

What the fuck is that supposed to mean?

A touch. He gripped the fingers; Sephiroth was still real, and alive; he frowned in his sleep.

It means...shit, how long have I known him? Two weeks? Why did...I want to kill Cloud for touching him? Why have I given myself to him so quickly? Everything is so knit together that I can hardly see the strands any more.

And this is supposed to mean...what?

I couldn't leave him. Ever. They've made me sacrifice so fucking much for him...

He pulled down on the hands, bending Sephiroth's arms at the elbows. Break the wall of his sleep.

It would be a waste. They made me like him, and now all I can do is follow him, a stupid shadow. He's the only one who can understand now. Maybe, Jenova was right. Maybe I really did need to be refined, just to be worthy of sleeping with him.

That's shit and you know it.

He reclined until his head hit the mattress, face next to his face, but now Sephiroth was frowning without his wall. Scratch, scratch at the stitches. It felt like it was eating him alive.

He is very beautiful. Not like a girl. Like a...very important man. Like a president. People should listen to him. Maybe I should tell him.

I cannot believe you are blushing again, you stupid shit. You need mental help.

You're right. I won't. He'd let it get to his fucking head.

...Aeris is right. You are insane. There is more than one voice in your head.

Pressure, ragged breath, jaw clenched.

Don't cry, you shit. When was the last time you cried before all of this started? Shit, you've been crying every day since you met him. Fucking stop it, you're making me sick.

Scratch, scratch. Oily, black thread like spider legs under his fingers.

So...he is my first boyfriend. And I can never leave him because of what an insane dead woman did to me. Before this, there was always the chance that we would leave each other eventually. But now....is it possible, now? Could I be without him? Who else would understand the scars on my head? Who else would make me want to fucking kill for them?

But what if...one day he outgrows you? After all, you were the one who had to change for him. What if he surpasses you again? What if he wakes up one day and spits in your face?

That pressure again - he couldn't handle it. Tears sparked at the edges and he growled to himself, scratching.

He never...spit on me before this. He...probably wouldn't. Would he?

He felt himself stretched into a thousand selves.

I want...mom. I want to talk to her...before...tomorrow. She must be worried about me. I haven’t seen her...for days. Since before I was kidnapped.

And tomorrow...tomorrow you will have to take that medicine. You can't stay in this room with him forever. You can't just hide. Tomorrow, this person you call yourself will die, and someone else will be there instead.

She’ll probably...cry when she sees the stitches. Won’t she.

Sephiroth was still frowning in his sleep. One of Reno's hands reached up to twine with one of his long bangs, the other stayed to dance with the oily spiders. Scratch.

Something wet fell in his ear, and he realized that he was fucking crying again, and it was too late to hide it when Sephiroth's eyes finally shot open at the touch on his hair. An animal, for a moment, like always. Then his mouth parted, eyes narrowing in concern, but before he could say anything, Reno pressed his face to the mattress and sobbed silently, hating himself for letting Sephiroth see it.

Just...spit on me now! Get it over with!

An intake of breath, an expulsion. "Re. Oh, Re..."

Don't touch me...please...don't.

"No, Re...please..." a touch on his shoulder, his neck, his back. His breath was ragged, empathetic. "Don't, don't. Re...oh, Gods."

Reno gritted his teeth. "Sorry, sorry," between the tears, between the fitful gulps.

"No, no, Re. I meant..." Sephiroth pulled Reno to him, to his chest, arms around. "No, it's okay. It's alright, Reno."

Which made him choke more, which made him splutter on his tears, which made him reveal to Sephiroth even more, even more.

Give it to him. It will be alright.

So he clenched his shirt, his hair, his skin. Sephiroth rubbed his back, circles, like his mother.

"Gods, Re. Gods." A murmur. Did he sound as if he was close to tears, as well?

"Sorry, sorry, fuck." He took in a deep, shuddering breath. "I don't..."

"It's alright, Re. It will be alright. I swear." His voice rumbled directly from his chest to Reno’s face.

A choke, another gasp, and then he was calmer, tears still leaking from his eyes. “S...sorry.” Couldn’t control yourself. Embarrassing. You just wanted attention.

An answering sigh. “Reno, shush. You don’t have to tell me.”

His chest smelled like wet salt and more like Sephiroth, soothing him into inhaling deeply. And Sephiroth was still drawing his mother’s circles on his back when Reno finally fell asleep, and still held him folded in his arms while he dreamed, building him a wall with his hands.