Midgar High School

Despite common belief, I am not weak. I have never been, nor will I ever be. And whatever seems to be happening to me... I am much stronger than I used to be. My body is in perfect health, and I could lift Mr. Wallace with one hand if need be. It is not natural, it is not normal.

Maybe that is what they confuse weakness for... my abnormality.

I have spent most of my waking life in and out of hospitals. Just after my mother left, it started. The voices. My body may be near perfect, but my mind... my mind is fractured. I am surprised that I can string two thoughts together, especially after what has happened.

Right now, I am thinking about the beginning.

The voices were particularly distracting that day, encouraging me to do something violent. Taunting me about things that I could not remember doing. I still do not think the events happened, but at the time, I believed I had done something terrible. I felt sick to my stomach, and I just wanted something to ease the nausea and the pounding in my head.

That was when I met her. Lucrecia.

A perfect, beautiful woman. She seemed the very thing that Good is made of, and before I could think I told her everything. About the voices, the constant headaches, the fear of sleep... for that is when the voices were at their worst. She smiled, and said she had something that might help.

And it did.

I came to her for treatments, and soon, I did not hear the voices anymore. I still came though, after the last one croaked its final words. I came even though I was not sick of mind or body. I came because of her.

I never had a sense of morality, not in the sense that most people have. My father encouraged me to philander, but until then I had no desire to follow his example. Then my dreams were filled with Lucrecia, and I wanted to touch her, to have her... entirely. And when I learned that she had similar thoughts about me, I jumped at the chance. Laws were set to protect the weak. I was never weak, only scattered. But as long as I had her, as long as I had her... I was whole.

She still gave me treatments, and I did not think to stop her. The drugs only seemed to amplify how wonderful and perfect she was... and I had to give her a purpose. She seemed happiest whenever she got a chance to work on me, to heal me. A true doctor.

Then, the blackouts started.

I would forget whole segments of the day. Mostly when I was not with Lucrecia, so I did not mind at first. Soon, my day was nothing but scattered moments, and it scared me. I clung desperately to Lucrecia, begging her to make it stop. She just smiled and said that I did not need to be healed anymore... but I still needed to be treated. She was ridding me of every weakness I had, turning me into... something else.

That was the first time I got angry. And I cut her. Just a nick, but she never quite looked at me the same after that. She still smiled, but there was something else there. But I was too smitten to really let it bother me.

So where had this grand affair led to? Where am I now?

There were no words to what I became when I was angry. Because I was not conscious for most of it, I was not aware of what was happening. But then it happened. I had truly broken the last barriers of my rage. All because I had never asked Lucrecia the details. All because... I asked her to marry me.

Yes, I am too young for that to be legal. I do not care. I am a far older seventeen than others my age.

The law however, does not allow polygamy. Neither does Lucrecia, apparently. For all that she said I meant to her... she could not leave her husband. I could make her shiver, I could make her cry... but I could not make her leave her husband. I had been used.

I swallowed my rage, and stupidly walked into class. I did not remember the last time I had ever attended one in its entirety. The teacher did not even remember that I was supposed to be there. How many days had I wasted with her?

Cid was the catalyst. I did not wish it to be so; considering he was one of the few classmates whose name I remembered... he too did not live within the confines of the school day. He was... free. I had always admired that, but he said the wrong words. I should not have gone to class in such a state, but I had no where else to go...

That was when I discovered what had happened to my voices. They had congealed within the deep places of my mind, and had become more than that... my skin still bristles at the way they felt. There were four distinctive beings.

Beings... no. More like demons. Lucrecia had turned my voices into demons while perfecting my body. Perfecting my body... for whatever perversions that dwelt in her imperfect mind.

All I know now... is that this cannot go on. I named one, a compulsion from a memory of gamer nerds chattering about something in the hallway. Galian. I do not know what it means. Nor do I care.

I am seeking the beast that roams the hallways and the girl that goes with him. They seem like they might know where I can find a means to purge myself of this curse. They have wise eyes. They seem like they would know an alternative to science. I hate that word. I hate that religion, with its doctors.

All I know... is that this time, I must free myself. Maybe I can go back to being seventeen... maybe it is not too late.

~Cendri