Midgar High School

Reno sat on the edge of his bed, staring at his hands. And he couldn't help but wonder what Sephiroth was doing in his sister's room.

Seriously, was he asleep? Was he still awake? How could he go to sleep that easily? The lights were off throughout the house, and Reno couldn't hear any sounds except the air running through the vents and the big modern art clock ticking in the hall. It was really, really late.

Damn, he had a lot to think about. But what was the use? Thinking wouldn't change anything. He had been a moron for inviting him to stay. Sephiroth had kept trying to get out of it, too, like he hadn't been hinting for Reno to offer. That bastard.

His mom loved him, though. But she loved everybody, especially attractive men, so that wasn't surprising.

Reno sighed.

"What really happened? You have to tell me," his mom had said, worried, "everything."

Reno had told her what happened after the game. But almost nothing else. Not about how Sephiroth had beat him and his friends up for years. And not about how he was a smug bastard. And definitely not about how he had kissed Reno in that damn classroom.

Without those parts, it made a pretty tragic story. Her eyes had actually filled up with tears because Dio had called him a...stupid faggot.

"Mom, don't worry about it. He'll be fine," he had said. It always killed him when she cried.

She had looked determined with that wet glint in her eye. "No. No he's going to stay right here, that's what he's going to do. I'll tell your father in the morning."

And Reno hadn't known whether to laugh or cry. He had totally set himself up for it. He had known how she would react to it, but he hadn't really thought it through before telling her. He half wished he had put those other parts in, so she would despise him like he did.

Then, he was also...secretly glad. Damn strange.

He shook his head, gritting his teeth. He hated to be so torn, which wasn't like him. Usually, there was room for only one emotion at a time. He was just confused. And he couldn't sleep. Which was fucking sick. He wanted to just kick his sister's door open and wake that bastard up.

Sick. Sick.

What a fucking sadist.

But was that it? He had explained everything so nicely, in that cute little package, dumped all over him at once. Reno was drowning in it.

I hate football.

Whoopee.

I want to be a writer.

Who cares?

I wasn't allowed to play with other kids.

Who gives a flying fuck?

My father has been controlling me my whole life.

You were just being weak!

I didn't mean it, all those years...

Shut up.

I was so scared...

Stop it.

Let me make it right...

Stop it!

I've had a crush on you....

Reno closed his eyes very tightly. Listen. I have nothing to do with you. You brought that on yourself. It's not my fault, so quit making me feel guilty about it!

He sighed again and flopped back onto his bed.

After a moment, he spoke out loud, but so quietly that it almost didn't reach his own ears.

It sounded like someone else, speaking through the black.

"He just needs help. For a few days."

Silence.

"That's all."

He swallowed.

He didn’t mean it about the college thing. He was just being awkward.

Reno felt that old surge of fear, like he was getting left behind. Everyone else had a college. Hell, Sephiroth had decided on a college, and it was a fucking art school.

Shit, I need to figure that out soon. Damn it.

He hated having to choose. Everyone was splitting up. Who to stay with? Who to follow? Who to protect?

Who even needed his protection, anymore?

...

That art school...would be good.

He frowned.

Yeah, but Sephiroth is going there, and wouldn’t that be awkward?

He imagined that for a moment, chance-meeting Sephiroth between classes. Reno would be embarrassed that he had taken Sephiroth’s advice, and also that he wasn’t somewhere else, protecting his friends like he should be. He would be caught alone and being selfish. And Sephiroth...he would be dressed or look gay like he always wanted to be, except Reno couldn’t imagine what that would look like. Maybe he’d just look the same, but he would probably be happier, and he would probably smile more with some boyfriend in his bed. And maybe Reno would get over his embarrassment enough (there, Sephiroth would be the one in his damn element) to invite or be invited somewhere. And then they would talk about nothing, or maybe about a long time ago, when Sephiroth had been broken and given a new life and had needed his help and no one else’s...

(Hmm...strange how, late at night, tangents to the future spiral out like ribbons.)

And today? Had Sephiroth been prancing around without a shirt on just to force him to look at it? That angry red mark?

He could still see it...

And then Sephiroth had lied to his mother about it. Damn smug bastard. He just wanted to stay the night.

Was the whole thing an act? He was acting...nice. And kind of awkward, like he was learning how to dance. Reno had never seen him act that way. Sephiroth had never spoken a word to him without menace.

Did he really have no friends? No practice in being normal with people?

He was really friendly. Reno could tell Sephiroth was being so, so careful, like his new life was an eggshell, easily broken, that he was cupping in his hand.

...Reno could crush it. Make him bleed and cry. He was the one with the power, now. Sephiroth was weaker than him. He could tell by the way his eyes looked; Sephiroth was running scared.

He shook his head. Not again. He refused to hurt him again. The first time...it was a pure reaction. Sephiroth had kissed him. He had been in fucking shock. Anyone else would have done the same thing.

Wouldn’t they?

For a moment, Reno wondered if he was a sadist, like him. Had he liked it, a tiny bit? Revenge?

He shook his head. No. He had only felt nauseated. Like Sephiroth had given him something irredeemably and shockingly precious, and he had dashed it on the ground without even looking at it first, thinking it was something slimy.

That look in his eyes...damn it.

Why the hell would Sephiroth have a crush on him? It didn’t make any sense!

But he was the one who overheard their argument. He was the one that saw Dio punch him for trying to be free. He was the one that found him like that, bleeding and leaning against his car.

“Did you enjoy the game?”

He had said it like it was continuing a conversation they had before, like it was the answer to Reno hurting him. As if it had gone:

kiss,
zap,
that look,
his nausea, and then,
“Did you enjoy the game?”

I won’t be chained down any more, it said. I will stand and take what I want.

Maybe he was weak before. But he was growing stronger now. The right sort of strong.

It seems like no one else cares whether he lives or dies.

...

I guess I just want to be his friend. Watch out for him. He’s...trying so hard. You shouldn’t have to try that hard to be normal. It’s fucking painful to watch...

Like his sisters, pulling on his damn long hair. Or him try to get comfortable on the leather couch that rubbed against his bare skin, because he was too awkward to tell him twice that he needed to get his shirt. Or his countless reasons why he needed to leave. His awkwardness made Reno want to stab him. He was like a fish out of water, a newborn baby struggling to crawl.

That bastard. Why did he make him feel so guilty? It was like watching a god get run over by a toy truck.

...

One day...

He wanted to see him happy, free, doing what he fucking wanted for once. Reno wanted to see what Sephiroth would look like later, at his college, smiling and totally gay but maybe not so different. Maybe then, there, they could be friends. Maybe...Reno would protect him there.

Or maybe it would be the other way around.

His eyes were drooping. He was too stretched out, and his mind was everywhere.

Maybe, there, they could be...