Midgar High School

Kill him…

Had I thought about doing it? Actually doing it? No, had it been someone else… had it been Biggs or Wedge…

That's what they want though; they want me to kill someone. I don't …

…yes I do. I'd love to have killed one of them. Worthless little piss ants, what good do they do. Pathetic.

What was I thinking! Everything was too bright still, everything sounded crisper, clearer. That fight had been in slow motion, I could have won if I would have gone out to kill. But I didn't…

…it would have upset Reno.

Why did I care, again? He was weak, he wasn't as strong as I was, not as fast not as smart... and he didn't care. He still wanted to protect me and he knew it was foolish to think he could.

But god to watch one of them die, to burn them down. Weak things have no place…

…and I'm protecting weak.

My fist flew then, into the side of the broken down shed that no one uses anymore since Reno's dad had his hours changed. The sound of brick and wood crackled every separate snap like popcorn, staccato notes in an orchestra.

When I removed my fist, there was a hole, damage, change that I had caused, my own rendition of the composition before me. My knuckles cracked as I flexed my fingers. Looking down the flesh of my hand was still like me, white, perfect, I did not need another arrangement. I was the perfect sonata…

…god I'm losing my mind.

To protect or not. Either way am I doing what I want or is it the will of someone else? Do I care about anything? Do I care about anyone?

I should have hurt more, but other than the needle mark, I felt better, not good. No, not right. The hairs on the back of my neck stood up looking at Reno's house. How trusting they all are. How easy Reno had fallen, even Tseng leapt at my orders. Did they forget that I truly took joy in pain?

Had I wanted to, they would all be at my mercy.

I sank to the earth then. No, no no, not right. This was scary. I was scaring myself. It was like waking up and realizing you were a god. I didn't want this. No, I wanted to go to college, I wanted… I was getting what I wanted. What Sephiroth wanted.

For now, for now I would just pretend it was normal. Maybe this urge would pass, this feeling of …distain for the others. I don't feel disdain for Reno, I like him, or I would have killed him back there. The others may grow on me too. For now, for his sake, I will leave them be. I will let them be in the hopes that I was right and I could be normal, I could have friends.

I'm not going to kill anyone.

But that doesn't mean I don't want to.